I have had my heart broken a lot in this ministry. I have loved and cried out in prayer for Jeek, Emily, Amy, Sitha, Sokunthea, etc.... and they have turned their backs on Jesus and on a relationship with me. Every once in a while I will see one of these girls that I poured out my heart to. They will be Asian polite, but they have no interest in picking up where we left off and some just plain ignore me. I know it is good that they avoid me because they are avoiding Jesus. That means they see Jesus in me, BUT my emotions can only handle so much.
I have a new group of girls that I am ministering to now. I am afraid to say it out loud but I think 1 of them might actually make it through high school without denying Christ. I have noticed a huge change in my heart towards these girls. I have been holding them at arms length when it comes to my emotions. I could blame it on being so overworked these last few years while hubby finished seminary. I could blame it on my kids getting older and needing more of my time for school. I could blame it on a lot of things, but I know that it is an intentional choice. I am tired of getting hurt. I would love a guarantee from God that if I start to care about someone He will make sure that they stick around. Life doesn't work like that.
So this is my plan. I am going to pray for my junior high/senior high girls. I know that it will lead to caring about them more. I know that it will also lead to more heartbreak. I know that He will be there to pick up the pieces and we can cry together that the sheep has rejected her Shepard. That plan stinks. But I know it is what He expects of me.
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I'm reminded of the quote (can't remember the attribution) that says, roughly, "Love that does not risk is not love at all."
Praying for you and your heart, my friend. May the Shepherd care for you as tenderly as you care for His sheep.
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